In previous posts I have spoken about the importance of dialogue and how gaining an insight into how and why others think the way they do helps us approach difficult topics (and also may help us reflect on our own thinking and reasoning behind an issue). I believe that even the most unteniable disagreement can be resolved with a little reflection on how to approach the situation.
The single most important thing to remember is that when we are speaking with someone that they are just like you i.e. a human being with emotions. Emotions can get in the way or they can help. What needs to be the first step in any potentially difficult argument is to separate the people from the problem - don't assume that because you have a fear about something that the other side of the debate fears the same thing. Get to the problem not the "effects" of the problem.
One of the other things that is very easy to overlook is not to "bargain" over positions. For example, my wife likes 100 blankets, plus a doona on the bed at any one time - I don't! So the positions are 1. blankets, 2. no blankets. The problem isn't the blankets (or the position of wanting blankets) but that our "interests" are different. It is the interests that need to be the focus. Her interest is to be warm, my interest is not to swelter. So if we focus on the interest it is more likely that we can come to an amicable conclusion. Focusing on interests and not positions allows more efficient and effective deliberation. Taking this even further, one can start to talk about different metabolic rates and the heat generated from that - one of the many factors for me not needing all those blankets.
I don't have a formal education in negotiation, but I have certainly had to negotiate throughout my professional and personal life. It seems to me that if we can just perform the two steps mentioned above then we would be well on our way to being able to come to some sort of mutual agreement in any dicussion, whether it be about temperature control in a matrimonial bed or industrial relations.
